I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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