i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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