Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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