I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
