we have officially lost it.
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
