And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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