If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
