Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Can I color on your dick again?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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