i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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