i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
