I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
