I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
