Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
he thought i was a dude.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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