My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
