he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
