I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
