My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
