It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
