When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
