; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
