I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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