I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
