I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
