is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
