peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i love accidental penises.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
