The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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