Sober January is a disaster.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
