Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
