end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Is Oprah even human
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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