So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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