To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
