this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Randomize
