you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
be right there i have to get my cape
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
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