my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
