I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I want to fling myself into the sun
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
