And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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