This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
