The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
A+ Viking dick
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
