coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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