My hand turned me down
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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