Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
