your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
