the ceiling is raining jello shotss
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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