I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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