The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
