just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
