it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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