dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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