i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
