i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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